Prof passed away on Friday morning.

 

I didn't know he was going so soon. I thought he was recovering. I thought he could at least live for a few months.

 

2 weeks ago, I saw him on the wheelchair, coming out from the hospital lift. I'll always remember the scene. As I asked him, "how are you?" ...the all-along positive and happy prof gave a firm reply, "Not too good." As he got wheeled away, he looked back and whispered, "will talk to you more."

 

I never got to talk to him more.

 

I had planned to visit him on the ward. I had planned to pray for him...but all these were only plans, never realised. I think busyness was just an excuse. The real reason is...i'd forgotten about it. I'd become complacent, thinking that there will always be another day. Just asking colleagues about how he is is not enough.

 

God, I'm sorry that I didn't respond to you. I need your help. Help me not to fall into complacency in reaching out again.

 

 

 

Which 40 years am I in now??

 

Lying on the sofa, thinking about the people at the day trip and that I can't be there...that was frustrating! How long more do I need to feel this way? 2 weeks or 6 months?

 

The little book "hugs for women" caught my eye and I thought that was what I needed, some comfort from the Lord. I needed to hear His voice that gives me strength. I turned to the chapter titled "You are capable" ( That tells you how incapable I was feeling).

 

"It seems too adventurous perhaps, but God is able.

I have no one save the Holy Ghost to rely upon.

My weak health and lack of ability seem to deny me success, (...that was sooooooo true)

but when I am weak, God is strong.

Depending upon Him alone, I go forward... though my eyes are wet with tears, I must go forward.

O Lord, fill me with the Holy Ghost.

Give me power to move the people. Amen (x3 from me)"

 

Lord, you know how much I desire You

How desperate I want to hear your voice

Let nothing hinder me from coming to You

Not my health nor my ability

 

Yet this is overwhelming

to seemingly not be able to do anything

but is it all about doing

In my heart I know it not

 

I could go on like this no more

without the Holy Spirit filling me

What is ministry if I can't minister

How can I minister if I have not been ministered by You

 

There is only one way to look

To fix my eyes on You, my Lord

And it will become less overwhelming

As I rejoice in You who aids me in overcoming